Don't Eat Dirt.

So often we find ourselves seeking in our adult lives what wasn’t given to us or fulfilled when we were children. The need is almost like a vitamin deficiency. When we need Iron or Potassium, our bodies crave foods that are high in these vitamins. I have even heard of stories where pregnant women eat dirt because their bodies are needing Iron so much. The same is true for our emotional state. We have to be careful that the deficit isn’t so great that we are willing to fill it with whomever comes along that “feels like love”. We have to love ourselves enough to listen to ourselves and not “eat dirt”, if you will.

I was deficient of love and acceptance as a child. I went through many of my childhood years feeling invisible, unloved, unheard. It seemed I didn't matter much. So aside from singing constantly, I kept pretty quiet and to myself. I remember one day when my mother had come to visit. It was the summer time and my grandmothers yellow roses were in full bloom. Although I knew better than to pick them, I did anyway. I wanted to give one to my mother as a gift. I must have held onto that rose for an hour before I worked up the courage to finally give it to her. I was afraid of rejection, I guess. Afraid she wouldn't want it. I always felt like a burden to everyone. A burden to my father, he left. A burden to my mother, she left, a burden to my grandmother, she complained about having to raise my sister and I. I was nearly adopted out to my grandfather's brother and wife, and I remember the unsettling feeling I had at the thought of being taken away from my older sister. I felt like home was nowhere, and I felt unwanted everywhere. The only person I never felt like a burden to was my grandfather. He took the time to talk, to teach, to ask questions, to pray with me, to offer me pencils and a drawing pad, to tell stories, to take me to church. My grandmother did love us to the best of her ability but children cannot process this type of “unspoken love”. Children need to be hugged, held, listened to, accepted, comforted and told they are loved. As I got a little older, I learned that I must not deserve it, and that I wouldn’t get it, anyway, so I learned to be OK without having any of it. Life became easier when I didn't have to worry myself with the need for love. But the truth is, even if we don't want love, we can't help it. We are just wired that way. We are wired for love, happiness and joy. That is what we seek most on our journey through life. We cannot deny our natural human needs, so what happens is, our body finds ways to fill the needs.

I have had moments of uncertainty, when I have felt a partner disconnect emotionally, I find myself second guessing my worth or feeling insecure and reverting right back to those feelings I had as a child where I felt alone and “not worth the fuss”. I shrink back and cover up. I think that maybe I asked for too much. “I should just go away now, so as to not be a bigger burden. Why did I think I could be worth something to this person, why did I open up to them? Stupid me.”  What I’m re-learning, however, is it’s not wrong to open up, to trust, to be vulnerable, to need affection, to ask for what we need from a partner that we love and trust. It's dangerous to need something so much that we look for it outside of ourselves, or with the wrong person. We have to get a place where we know that we are worth it, we are lovable, we are enough.  We have to understand our value and love ourselves enough to not eat dirt.

The Four Agreements

During our early life we began making agreements. Our parents rewarded us when we did what they wanted and they punished us when we didn’t. We also learned behaviors and habits in school, church, and from other adults and children on the playground. The tools of reward and punishment were often emotional and sometimes physical. The impact of other people’s opinions and reactions to us became a very strong force in the habits we created. In this process we created agreements in our mind of who we should be, what we shouldn’t be, who we were, and who we were not. Over time we learned to live our life based on the agreements in our own mind. We learned to live according to the agreements that came from the opinion of others. In this process of domestication it turns out that the choices we make and the life we live is more driven by the opinions we learned from others than one we would choose on our own.


The Four Agreements are:

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.


As you begin living these four practices, your life will dramatically change. In the beginning these new habits will be challenging and you will lapse countless times. With practice these agreements become integrated into your being and every area of your life and become easy habits to keep.

Don't believe everything you (or others) tell you

Sharing an excerpt from Don Miguel Ruiz
Centuries ago, people believed that the earth was flat. Some said that elephants were supporting the earth, and that made them feel safe. The belief that the earth was flat was considered the truth, and almost everybody agreed, but did that make it true? It was nothing but a superstition, and I can assure you that we still live in a world of superstition. The question is: Are we aware of it?

Wherever you go, you will hear all kinds of opinions and stories from other people. You will find great storytellers wanting to tell you what you should do with your life: "You should do this, you should do that, you should do whatever." Don't believe them. Be skeptical, but learn to listen and then make your choices. Be responsible for every choice you make in your life. This is your life; it's nobody else's life, and you will find that it's nobody else's business what you do with your life.