Marriage

Most ancient societies needed a secure environment for the perpetuation of the species, a system of rules to handle the granting of property rights, and the protection of bloodlines. The institution of marriage handled these needs. For instance, ancient Hebrew law required a man to become the husband of a deceased brother's widow.

The original establishment of marriage was not created to withstand the modern day challenges we face today. We are scared and question whether or not an expiration date exists for our relationships. We feel guilty, confused and angry. We blame ourselves for the failure; we scratch our heads and try to make sense of why marriages don’t last and it’s no surprise to realize that the answer mostly lies in ‘change’. We cannot completely go blameless in the situation of divorce but are we also being too hard on ourselves? Logically, we cannot fit old practices into a society that has long since outgrown the old ideals in which the very arrangement was founded upon. Everything surrounding marriages as they used to be has drastically changed. We clearly see the evidence today amidst the laws preventing gay couples to legally marry.

Ancient and antique marriage institutions were just that: Institutions created for financial, business and familial preservation. When we look at the contrast between today and even 200 years ago, we can make better sense of it all. We are in a society where divorce is easy and more acceptable, equality exists and women and men are now in need of sexual attention; the original need for marriages are no longer there. Marriage has become more of an elective, rather than a required course. Women have a voice and rights. Women (or men) no longer need to be married to have children; men and women have a choice of being with a man or a woman. Women no longer need to change their last names, women no longer need to be married to make sure they are cared for financially; They can go to school, earn as much as a male counterpart, buy a house and ultimately, take care of themselves.

The principles of marriage are changing. Marriage is no longer just a religious, familial or financial arrangement. In fact, many couples are throwing out the church completely and getting married in non-religious ceremonies.

I am not anti-marriage at all. Marriage means a higher level of commitment with a sense of security. It shows that a couple is willing to take all of the risks because they believe in their relationship and in each other. I highly commend anyone who is able to hold it together for 25-50 years. I admire their tenacity and devotion. I can only hope and aspire to have a relationship in which we are able to stay together against all odds, including our own human instincts.

The modern day meaning of marriage has changed but perhaps in the following decades it will take on more significance and a deeper level of commitment when we realize it is never a requirement for preservation or procreation; it is not something we feel we should have to do because Mom won’t leave us alone about giving her grandchildren, when women realize it isn’t about “having your day” and being a princess; When society stops making us feel like a self-indulgent oddball because we are not married yet, or when marriage stops becoming a financial leg up for those who desire to take from someone who has worked hard for what they have. Rather, I hope marriage in the future will take on a more momentous role and become a powerful form of expression between two very committed humans who want nothing else from each other but unconditional love and a lifelong companionship.