It's the end of 2010, as we know it

"Every man should be born again on the first day of January. Start with a fresh page. Take up one hole more in the buckle if necessary, or let down one, according to circumstances; but on the first of January let every man gird himself once more, with his face to the front, and take no interest in the things that were and are past".-Henry Ward Beecher


In a few more days, 2010 will be like dust clouds in the rear view mirror of my metaphorical 1969 Mustang fastback. I'm not at all misty-eyed about it. I'm glad to see it go and I pray to the gods that be that the next year is a prosperous one for all of us. 2010 was like a regurgitated version of 2009 in every way for me. Lost job, lack of job, lost relationship, still in Dallas, still spinning wheels, still broke. But there was a lot of good, too. The universe pushed me into my pit twice to make sure I learned it. I learned. It didn't feel good, but I finally got it.

My birthday came and went. I was sick with a cold, as I still am. But it was a good day. I relaxed, and did what I love to do in my free time: bake. It was a carrot cake from the box, only, this one promised to taste like it was "home made". It turned out to be a very dense cake, quite good. But the icing left much to be desired. Next time, I'm making my own icing from scratch. This love of baking has brought me to other ideas, perhaps ones that won't pan out but at least the wheels are still turning for ideas. This lets me know that I have not given up. There is still a light on in the lighthouse.

This time of year is strange for me. I ponder the past, realize I'm a year older, wonder "where am I today? Am I any better off"? I guess that's the ever-climbing goat in me. Always looking ahead, always trying to do more, be better. But I want to make sure I don't allow the seemingly bad experiences to overshadow all that was won, all that was really, truly good. I learned so much in 2010. I finally took a chance and opened my own studio, which I love spending time in. It brings me peace, quiet and focus, all of which has been missing and so desperately needed in my life. I began playing the guitar again. I started my own jean line with a factory and Mockingbird Denim is due to launch in January. That is really huge. It's something that I thought would always be just a dream. I had really hoped it would work out but I never believed it would pan out as flawlessly as it did. I feel grateful for the opportunity.

I feel really thankful for my friends and family too. I am surrounded by beautiful people, brilliant minds, hands full of creative talents, love. I really have nothing to mourn for 2010. And I hope everyone will take a moment to remember all of the good they can take from this past year into the new year. We all have a pretty long list, if we just think about it.

2011 is a story just waiting to be written. A blank canvas just waiting to be painted. An empty shop waiting to be opened, fabric waiting to be sewn into a beautiful dress, a vacation to Scotland waiting to be explored. Or for you, a project to unfold, a screenplay that will be completed, a house to be purchased, a child to bring into the world. Whatever it is in your life, look ahead, see how far you've come and be excited for the things ahead. I have learned that there is no energy to be spent on the past. It's over. The future is where all the fun is.

The Winter Solstice and the Closing of 2010

Tonight begins the Winter Solstice with a lunar eclipse. Astrologically, the Winter Solstice has been viewed as a time of great energy, change, reflection and a moment when everything is visible. This is a turning point for all of us, when everything comes to the surface and materializes, whether positive or negative: Jobs, relationships, ventures, ideas.
I have certainly seen this in my life as of late.

As with all of the other Decembers past, I watch another year and chapter of my life come to a close. A year gone, another year older. Bittersweet. The end of 2010 is going to be so welcomed. I look back on the last year and resolve to never let another year go by in so much disarray. Like the Josh Ritter song, “Don’t let me into this year with an empty heart.”. An empty heart for me means so many different things. And I’ll do whatever it takes to avoid that.

I think back and wonder if so much of 2010 was just wasted time. But again, is it really? I don’t know. I can’t help but think that all of our experiences, good or bad, mean something to us. But only if we’re paying attention. Without paying attention, our lessons are just labeled as “bad decisions”, “horrible experiences” or “failures.” I cannot kick myself too hard. The choices I made were with all of the best intentions. I always meant well and often times, I went beyond my breaking point for the sake of “not failing”. I learned that giving up an idea isn’t always a bad thing. 2010 was a year to learn more about who I am and especially what my limitations are. I became stronger. I was challenged. I was blessed. I learned the greater meaning of forgiveness, patience, compassion and honesty.

All is certainly not lost. I look forward to 2011 with greater clarity.