Abrupt Wake Up Call

I sold my industrial machines last week and the girl who purchased them used my 4-wheel dolly to transport them to her studio about 2 miles away. She told me as she was leaving that she'd return it at the end of the day. No problem. But the day went by and no word from her. Then a week went by and I was unable to get in touch with her. She hadn't yet returned my dolly so I decided to go to her shop and pick it up myself. When I walked in, the studio was cozy, about 1,500 sq. ft. Beautiful fabrics carefully placed in rolls on the walls, three employees, diligently working on rhinestone embellishments. The lovely costumes and works in progress were hanging proudly, and my machines. There they stood in their true glory, threaded with four cones of bright, Dallas Cowboys' blue thread. It was heart breaking to see my dream alive in someone else's life. I got no more than ten steps out of her studio before my eyes filled with tears. I tried to fight it but I knew it was useless. The floodgates needed to be released.

I had worked so hard and even borrowed money from my grandmother to buy these machines. They were the key for my future and so much hope and optimism was attached to them. Watching all of it go has been so heartbreaking. I know it's an attainable goal to reach for again, and perhaps it will be sooner than I think. But as I am proud of her for her success, I can't help but feel the sting of envy and a regret for my own lack of success. She is a lady just like me, who 10 years ago started the SAME way I did and yet, it somehow worked for her but not for me. I am left with so many thoughts of 'what did I do wrong' or 'what could I do differently' and 'why do I allow myself to continue being distracted'? Monday was a slap in the face from the universe. And it's time for me to wake up.