Insomnia creeps in

Here lately, my nights have seemed to get longer, my eyes a little redder the next day. I’m not sure if it’s the deep repose of my former life or me feeling anxious for the things to come. I am unable to sleep and the sleep I do get consists of these recurring, epic dreams of heartbreak and loss. I wake up feeling as though I drank a whole bottle of wine the night before. Truth is, I’d be doing good to just be able to finish a whole glass with dinner. I miss eating good, hearty meals and laughing at a dinner table. I miss latin music and balmy summer nights. And I especially miss my fellow insomniac friend on nights (mornings) like this. When I went through these cycles, he was always up, just like me, to answer the phone and talk to until I got tired enough to fall asleep. He passed away two years ago in June. Now, on nights such as these, I am alone with just the quiet. And while that isn’t so bad most of the time because I can actually hear myself think, I lament the frequency of these quiet, lonely nights and wish for a time when I will at least have an option.
I desperately feel the need to travel now more than ever. I don’t know if it’s something I’m looking for so much as it is something I’m listening for. Maybe I just want to be alone with myself, to find comfort in the friend and voice inside of me, the one that knows me better than anyone, even as much as my insomniac friend who is no longer here to break the silence, to talk nonsense with me, encourage me until I feel peaceful enough to fall asleep.