One Year in Denver

It's been a little over a year since I moved to Denver.  There is such a wide range of emotions, yet I feel as though I have so few memories to share.  Maybe I do, but they escape me at the moment. I traveled a bit, though it was mostly for work.  OK, almost entirely for work.  The last year of my life has been dedicated to work and then more work, followed by an awful lot of alone time that I like to refer to as exile. In the beginning I spent a lot of energy trying to figure out if this was a good or bad thing.  I have met a few really good people I would consider friends but in life there is change, so the lingering thought in the back of my mind is always questioning if I will be able to stay here long term or not.  It makes the rest of my life decisions a bit hard to make. But it also allows me to surrender to whatever will be. Some days I wish my career weren't a deciding factor on where I choose to plant that seed that eventually creates deep roots.

The last year has been such an adventure of self.  I have learned a lot about myself and my ability to interact with the human species in a corporate environment.  I have learned that quiet repose isn't a sentence or necessarily a bad thing. Quite the opposite. I feel like I ran around all over the country for the last several years.  It wasn't aimless or unnecessary. I don't regret any of it.  I am a lot more connected to who I am these days and more certain of what it is I really want.  I realize just how much shit I accepted in the past for the sake of being independent or giving someone too much benefit where it shouldn't have been allowed. The last year has been good to me. I now have enough.  In fact, more than enough.  Stabilization has occurred, even though I miss my family and friends a lot.  I have been here before, though. And like all changes during our lifetime (lifetimes), we react accordingly, we balance out, we adjust, we endure, we overcome and then we wait patiently for the next wave of change, whatever or wherever it may be.  My biggest lesson in this experience has been to forget everything that was, forget everything that you think will be and just live life, fully, in what is right now.

I had so many reserves when I moved here. It took 6 months to even be OK.  Even now, as beautiful as Colorado is, I am still not 100% OK.  Moving here, in some ways, really came as a surprise and went against everything I had "planned" for in my life.  But I'm glad I did it.  I have fallen in love with the space I'm in these days, and I don't mean that just in locality.  It is easier for me to take a few moments to express my gratitude. And when I look around, it doesn't take much to see what I have to be thankful for.  The sun shines brightly across a deep blue sky almost every day.  A breeze flows nicely into my 3rd floor window, the same window that is like a picture frame looking out west towards the mountains.  I never tire of seeing the mountains, or nature.  One would have to be completely dispassionate to not notice and appreciate the beauty and magical energy that exists here, although sometimes I feel as though the people here take ownership of the land, rather than acknowledging that they belong to the earth.

My first experience of Red Rocks happened at a drum circle on the night of the biggest full moon we'll see all year.  Mother Nature was in full force.  The wind was howling and blowing through the giant rocks like a powerful army of spirits rushing through. The rain poured down and the clouds hung low and heavy.  The moon peeked out just a couple of times to appease those of us who stood on the main stage with our drums.  The whole night was a magnificent display of how humans and nature belong to each other.

I have reconnected with the little girl inside that used to love riding her bike.  I went bike riding and shortly thereafter, bought a bike of my own.  My brand new cruiser sits in my living room, eagerly awaiting that first ride together.  She seems as anxious to shine as I am to show her off.

And Pickles, bless her sweet soul. Her fuzzy little paws greet me enthusiastically every afternoon when I get home.  My dog's unwavering love and loyalty have truly become one of my greatest gifts, especially during this journey of my life.  I hope that I become the person that she thinks I am.  :)

So looking back on this last year, I do have a lot to be thankful for.  The road may have started off a little rocky, with a lot of resistance on my part, but it has smoothed out.  And even though I think of where I may be next, I am content...and looking forward to the next chapter of my life.