“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Today I had a revelation: All of these years, I've spent chasing a dream that I expect to either make me rich, make me feel accomplished, make me feel fulfilled -has been nothing short of a dog chasing it's own tail. In the end, we arrive to what matters the most: Our relationships, our peace, our joy, the quiet evening of simplicity where there is no stress that follows us home like a trail of toilet paper from a bathroom stall. That has been my life for the last 5 years. Today I cut the invisible cord that has held me to all of the expectations that I thought were important to my being. I have realized in a short, though very stressful 8 months, that the important things in life are love, sharing, good wine and food, sunsets, a great movie that resonates with me, laughter, hugs, an evening in a park with Whataburger, a symphony under the stars. The essence of life and LIVING is not about acquiring a lot of money -only having enough to sustain and make this journey more fun. I am no longer interested in allowing a career to rule my life but rather, doing what I love to do, ONLY what I CAN do and being OK with that. I am who I am regardless of the balance of my bank account, regardless of what I'm doing for a living.
I love the person I have become in life. I love the adversity that I have overcome. I love where my life is headed and although I am not even sure where the next few months will take me, I am ready and open for just whatever. It feels nice to be ready for change.
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
Gratitude is that spoonful of sugar
“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.”
Sometimes it's hard to remember gratitude in times of difficulty. In fact, it's hard to even want to feel gratitude, much less care about anything except for the negative subject(s) at hand. I have learned, however, that in these moments of great fear, loss, hurt, anger or whatever it is that we're feeling, gratitude (and humor!) can be that one thing that makes all the difference. The 'spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down', if you will. When we take a moment to realize that the good really does outweigh the bad, we don't feel so lost. Alone. Scared. Helpless or whatever it is that we're up against. The end of a job, a relationship, a "failure". Even these things that seem like a bad thing are what we could feel grateful for because the ending of something isn't nessesarily a bad thing, rather the beginning of something else. Perhaps that something else is just what we've needed, just what we've been waiting for.
Sometimes it's hard to remember gratitude in times of difficulty. In fact, it's hard to even want to feel gratitude, much less care about anything except for the negative subject(s) at hand. I have learned, however, that in these moments of great fear, loss, hurt, anger or whatever it is that we're feeling, gratitude (and humor!) can be that one thing that makes all the difference. The 'spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down', if you will. When we take a moment to realize that the good really does outweigh the bad, we don't feel so lost. Alone. Scared. Helpless or whatever it is that we're up against. The end of a job, a relationship, a "failure". Even these things that seem like a bad thing are what we could feel grateful for because the ending of something isn't nessesarily a bad thing, rather the beginning of something else. Perhaps that something else is just what we've needed, just what we've been waiting for.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Josh Ritter
Last night's Josh Ritter concert at the Granada Theater was just what I needed. I hadn't seen him since I lived in Los Angeles. In fact, I hadn't felt music in a long time the way I feel his. If you have never experienced a Josh Ritter concert, I strongly recommend it. I have been back in Dallas since Septemeber. Within the last 8 months it was: a short stay in New York, a hiatus in Europe for three weeks, back to Texas for my Grandfathers funeral, followed by a job loss, a live-in boyfriend, a new business venture, many hours of working, another project and business venture, etc. Josh brought me back to a moment in my life where everything was a little simpler. Thoughts of L.A. seem to come back often these days. And I look upon it fondly, almost as if that part of my life never really happened. I ask myself often, "did I really wake up every morning with the sun shining on my face, the sounds of birds chirping, a promising day ahead for the beach or even a drive into the mountains?" It was another time and place, a dream. A dream that I was awakened from too soon. I am still pondering Josh's words from last night, "If a dream never happens, does that make it a lie?"
Friday, February 12, 2010
Bigger than my Body..
Last week on separate occasions, I had a very strange awakening while I lay on two different tables. The first one at my doctor's office as I was being examined and the second while I was on the table of my massage therapist. At the doctor's office, I was a specimen and they spoke as if I wasn't even present in the room. It was the oddest feeling to feel as though I was not even there -only in body.
I realized on day two at the massage therapist, that I am a separate entity of my body. In theory, this seems like a no-brainer and quite simple philosophy. But it's one thing to know this and the other to suddenly feel it like a jolt. Here I am on Monday, being reminded of the delicacy of my health and the importance of treating my body well and on Tuesday I was indulging in aromatherapy, massage and pure tranquility of mind, body and spirit. The epiphany occurred mostly while I was in my trance-like state during my massage. I felt like I was this spirit; a ball of light and energy. And in my mind's eye, I could see this ball of light energy in my chest! And in this moment, I realized I am here for just a little while, occupying this "space" that is my body. Our bodies are our spirit's tools to move, breathe, express love, learn, indulge and experience LIFE.
What an amazing feeling that rushed over me in that instant. For a few seconds, I felt who I was in spirit, I couldn't help but smile; and I felt such a rush of warmth and joy whoosh through my body. Truly amazing. Being present has never felt more real.
"We are not human beings here on a spiritual journey, we are spirit beings on a human journey".
I realized on day two at the massage therapist, that I am a separate entity of my body. In theory, this seems like a no-brainer and quite simple philosophy. But it's one thing to know this and the other to suddenly feel it like a jolt. Here I am on Monday, being reminded of the delicacy of my health and the importance of treating my body well and on Tuesday I was indulging in aromatherapy, massage and pure tranquility of mind, body and spirit. The epiphany occurred mostly while I was in my trance-like state during my massage. I felt like I was this spirit; a ball of light and energy. And in my mind's eye, I could see this ball of light energy in my chest! And in this moment, I realized I am here for just a little while, occupying this "space" that is my body. Our bodies are our spirit's tools to move, breathe, express love, learn, indulge and experience LIFE.
What an amazing feeling that rushed over me in that instant. For a few seconds, I felt who I was in spirit, I couldn't help but smile; and I felt such a rush of warmth and joy whoosh through my body. Truly amazing. Being present has never felt more real.
"We are not human beings here on a spiritual journey, we are spirit beings on a human journey".
Friday, February 5, 2010
Which Love Language Do You Speak?
Learning how to express your love is the key to a happy relationship
If you've ever been in a relationship, you’ve probably been let down by a significant other who failed to love you properly—as in the way you needed and expected to be appreciated.
One friend's boyfriend would tell her he loved her more regularly than Google makes a new hire. Yet, on Valentine's Day, he failed to produce a gift. My friend began to sob. Why? "It means he didn't care enough to find one," she bawled. Her conclusion: He must not love her after all.
Maybe your husband does surprise you with just-because gifts, but you'd give anything for him to skip one late night at the office to spend an evening at home.
Behind these crossed wires, says Gary Chapman, PhD, best-selling author of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, lies one key miscommunication: We each speak one primary love language, and unless your partner expresses affection in the one that's meaningful to you, he might as well be whispering sweet nothings in Sanskrit.
There are five languages, Chapman says: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. "Most couples don’t speak the same one," he explains, "but feeling loved is the deepest emotional need we have." Watch—and learn from—three couples on the verge of a breakthrough.
Couple #1
Lena, 31, and Ethan, 35
She wants: Quality Time
He gives: Gifts
A few months ago at a party, Ethan overheard his wife, Lena, describe a bracelet she had been fantasizing about for months. When her birthday came, he found it, bought it, and nearly burst with pride as she opened the box. To his surprise, Lena's eyes welled with tears—and not of joy.
What was she thinking? Well, roughly, this: "You idiot! If you really loved me, you'd give me your time, not diamonds." To Lena, each stone represented a night her husband had canceled on her to work late. She would trade each diamond for a minute of his BlackBerry-free attention.
Ethan was baffled—and angered—by her reaction. "I work my butt off so I can afford gifts like this for her," he fumed. "I put thought into them. But apparently that just isn't good enough."
Dr. Chapman Says:
Gifts shouldn’t replace expressing love in Lena's love language, which is quality time. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled, and Lena's is empty.
The couple should put aside 15 minutes each day to connect. Ethan may initially drag his feet for fear "15 minutes" will turn into two hours, but that won't happen once Lena knows that time will be carved out every day.
Couple #2
Mary, 41, and Shawn, 36
She wants: Words of Affirmation
He gives: Acts of Service
"What can I do to help you today?" is the first thing Mary hears her husband say when she wakes each morning. His acts of service include building her a garden—one of her favorite hobbies. "And he's a horrible handyman," she laughs.
But Mary really craves verbal affirmation. "When I'm feeling even the slightest bit taken for granted, I wish he'd say 'I love you.' Just today I said, 'Honey, I need you to tell me I'm beautiful,' so he did. But sometimes he gets annoyed and asks, 'How many times do I have to tell you?'"
"He grew up in a family that doesn't express emotions freely," she says. "It's not surprising that his one attempt at a love letter read like a business plan. It's just not who he is—but I'll never stop hoping that he'll write me a sonnet."
Dr. Chapman Says:
Shawn should start with baby steps to express his love. He can try saying something sweet about her to a friend or coworker, or it could also be helpful to buy a greeting card, underline the words that are particularly appropriate, and then read them to his wife. Ultimately, Shawn should aim to compliment Mary at least once a day for a month to create a lasting pattern.
If you've ever been in a relationship, you’ve probably been let down by a significant other who failed to love you properly—as in the way you needed and expected to be appreciated.
One friend's boyfriend would tell her he loved her more regularly than Google makes a new hire. Yet, on Valentine's Day, he failed to produce a gift. My friend began to sob. Why? "It means he didn't care enough to find one," she bawled. Her conclusion: He must not love her after all.
Maybe your husband does surprise you with just-because gifts, but you'd give anything for him to skip one late night at the office to spend an evening at home.
Behind these crossed wires, says Gary Chapman, PhD, best-selling author of The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, lies one key miscommunication: We each speak one primary love language, and unless your partner expresses affection in the one that's meaningful to you, he might as well be whispering sweet nothings in Sanskrit.
There are five languages, Chapman says: words of affirmation, quality time, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. "Most couples don’t speak the same one," he explains, "but feeling loved is the deepest emotional need we have." Watch—and learn from—three couples on the verge of a breakthrough.
Couple #1
Lena, 31, and Ethan, 35
She wants: Quality Time
He gives: Gifts
A few months ago at a party, Ethan overheard his wife, Lena, describe a bracelet she had been fantasizing about for months. When her birthday came, he found it, bought it, and nearly burst with pride as she opened the box. To his surprise, Lena's eyes welled with tears—and not of joy.
What was she thinking? Well, roughly, this: "You idiot! If you really loved me, you'd give me your time, not diamonds." To Lena, each stone represented a night her husband had canceled on her to work late. She would trade each diamond for a minute of his BlackBerry-free attention.
Ethan was baffled—and angered—by her reaction. "I work my butt off so I can afford gifts like this for her," he fumed. "I put thought into them. But apparently that just isn't good enough."
Dr. Chapman Says:
Gifts shouldn’t replace expressing love in Lena's love language, which is quality time. We all have a "love tank" that needs to be filled, and Lena's is empty.
The couple should put aside 15 minutes each day to connect. Ethan may initially drag his feet for fear "15 minutes" will turn into two hours, but that won't happen once Lena knows that time will be carved out every day.
Couple #2
Mary, 41, and Shawn, 36
She wants: Words of Affirmation
He gives: Acts of Service
"What can I do to help you today?" is the first thing Mary hears her husband say when she wakes each morning. His acts of service include building her a garden—one of her favorite hobbies. "And he's a horrible handyman," she laughs.
But Mary really craves verbal affirmation. "When I'm feeling even the slightest bit taken for granted, I wish he'd say 'I love you.' Just today I said, 'Honey, I need you to tell me I'm beautiful,' so he did. But sometimes he gets annoyed and asks, 'How many times do I have to tell you?'"
"He grew up in a family that doesn't express emotions freely," she says. "It's not surprising that his one attempt at a love letter read like a business plan. It's just not who he is—but I'll never stop hoping that he'll write me a sonnet."
Dr. Chapman Says:
Shawn should start with baby steps to express his love. He can try saying something sweet about her to a friend or coworker, or it could also be helpful to buy a greeting card, underline the words that are particularly appropriate, and then read them to his wife. Ultimately, Shawn should aim to compliment Mary at least once a day for a month to create a lasting pattern.
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