Just Let Go

We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.

- Joseph Campbell

Today I am reminded of the advice of Joseph Campbell. Going through the emotional divorce of letting go of an idea, a dream, an unattainable goal, a former life that no longer fits is never an easy process. We struggle to maintain the slipping grasp on the idea with everything we have, sometimes just for principal's sake. In the midst of the fight to keep something alive, we forget about the purity that it was in the first place. In the middle of it all, we somehow lost our way and the gift, the goal, the bright idea became a burden, tainted and transformed into something completely different than what we had intended or expected. When something evolves like this, it is important for us to see it for what it is and not for what we had originally hoped for. Not for the potential it could be. Sometimes we don't realize that the very hand we're holding onto is actually holding us hostage. And all we have to do is just let go.

This can be true for so many aspects of our life, whether it be a career, a project or even an unhealthy relationship.

Ready for change.

“Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”

Today I had a revelation: All of these years, I've spent chasing a dream that I expect to either make me rich, make me feel accomplished, make me feel fulfilled -has been nothing short of a dog chasing it's own tail. In the end, we arrive to what matters the most: Our relationships, our peace, our joy, the quiet evening of simplicity where there is no stress that follows us home like a trail of toilet paper from a bathroom stall. That has been my life for the last 5 years. Today I cut the invisible cord that has held me to all of the expectations that I thought were important to my being. I have realized in a short, though very stressful 8 months, that the important things in life are love, sharing, good wine and food, sunsets, a great movie that resonates with me, laughter, hugs, an evening in a park with Whataburger, a symphony under the stars. The essence of life and LIVING is not about acquiring a lot of money -only having enough to sustain and make this journey more fun. I am no longer interested in allowing a career to rule my life but rather, doing what I love to do, ONLY what I CAN do and being OK with that. I am who I am regardless of the balance of my bank account, regardless of what I'm doing for a living.

I love the person I have become in life. I love the adversity that I have overcome. I love where my life is headed and although I am not even sure where the next few months will take me, I am ready and open for just whatever. It feels nice to be ready for change.

Gratitude is that spoonful of sugar

“Develop an attitude of gratitude, and give thanks for everything that happens to you, knowing that every step forward is a step toward achieving something bigger and better than your current situation.”

Sometimes it's hard to remember gratitude in times of difficulty. In fact, it's hard to even want to feel gratitude, much less care about anything except for the negative subject(s) at hand. I have learned, however, that in these moments of great fear, loss, hurt, anger or whatever it is that we're feeling, gratitude (and humor!) can be that one thing that makes all the difference. The 'spoonful of sugar that helps the medicine go down', if you will. When we take a moment to realize that the good really does outweigh the bad, we don't feel so lost. Alone. Scared. Helpless or whatever it is that we're up against. The end of a job, a relationship, a "failure". Even these things that seem like a bad thing are what we could feel grateful for because the ending of something isn't nessesarily a bad thing, rather the beginning of something else. Perhaps that something else is just what we've needed, just what we've been waiting for.

Josh Ritter

Last night's Josh Ritter concert at the Granada Theater was just what I needed. I hadn't seen him since I lived in Los Angeles. In fact, I hadn't felt music in a long time the way I feel his. If you have never experienced a Josh Ritter concert, I strongly recommend it. I have been back in Dallas since Septemeber. Within the last 8 months it was: a short stay in New York, a hiatus in Europe for three weeks, back to Texas for my Grandfathers funeral, followed by a job loss, a live-in boyfriend, a new business venture, many hours of working, another project and business venture, etc. Josh brought me back to a moment in my life where everything was a little simpler. Thoughts of L.A. seem to come back often these days. And I look upon it fondly, almost as if that part of my life never really happened. I ask myself often, "did I really wake up every morning with the sun shining on my face, the sounds of birds chirping, a promising day ahead for the beach or even a drive into the mountains?" It was another time and place, a dream. A dream that I was awakened from too soon. I am still pondering Josh's words from last night, "If a dream never happens, does that make it a lie?"

Bigger than my Body..

Last week on separate occasions, I had a very strange awakening while I lay on two different tables. The first one at my doctor's office as I was being examined and the second while I was on the table of my massage therapist. At the doctor's office, I was a specimen and they spoke as if I wasn't even present in the room. It was the oddest feeling to feel as though I was not even there -only in body.

I realized on day two at the massage therapist, that I am a separate entity of my body. In theory, this seems like a no-brainer and quite simple philosophy. But it's one thing to know this and the other to suddenly feel it like a jolt. Here I am on Monday, being reminded of the delicacy of my health and the importance of treating my body well and on Tuesday I was indulging in aromatherapy, massage and pure tranquility of mind, body and spirit. The epiphany occurred mostly while I was in my trance-like state during my massage. I felt like I was this spirit; a ball of light and energy. And in my mind's eye, I could see this ball of light energy in my chest! And in this moment, I realized I am here for just a little while, occupying this "space" that is my body. Our bodies are our spirit's tools to move, breathe, express love, learn, indulge and experience LIFE.
What an amazing feeling that rushed over me in that instant. For a few seconds, I felt who I was in spirit, I couldn't help but smile; and I felt such a rush of warmth and joy whoosh through my body. Truly amazing. Being present has never felt more real.

"We are not human beings here on a spiritual journey, we are spirit beings on a human journey".