Flying out of Wonderland

Today’s blog message comes straight from my seat on flight 388. This past week in LA was rejuvenating. It was all about my emotional awareness, growing, reconnecting with my friends and finding my spiritual self. But my last thoughts on the plane seem to resonate deeper and summarize a clearer messsage for what I have really learned. I have realized that love still exists. In me. I think I spent so many years trying to figure out if I was even capable of loving completely or not. A relationship that ended badly, showed me that I am indeed capable of vulnerable love - Receiving and giving, freely. This lesson, however, was not about knowing if I was lovable or not. It was about learning about my limitations in love. I discovered I am stronger and capable of more than I thought. I realized I could indeed love someone enough to be with them forever, I could take risks. I can wake up to the same beautiful person every morning, even on days when I don’t feel so beautiful, nor do they. I realized that lost love fucking hurts. I mean, really hurts like hell. But there’s beauty in that pain. It feels wonderful to FEEL. Even if it stings. I am alive inside, I am connected to all of me and that’s the beautiful part of living.

Today I believe in love more than I thought possible. You’d think I’d be in a sour space full of jaded comments and a crinkled nose as I contemplate love and relationships. But in fact, it’s just the opposite. I feel a sense of clarity and trust in myself and in others that I didn’t have before.
I want to be with someone who knows me inside and out because he takes the time to learn me, and allows me to learn who he is. Someone who appreciates who I am. One who weathers any storm we are faced with, who will stand there with me when I need him the most.
I want him to believe in the investment of time, sometimes hard times, that make us closer. I want to laugh with him until my face hurts and share all of my ridiculous theories or fears with him. I want to be with the same man until I am friggin older than dirt. That’s the good stuff. That’s what it’s about for me. So when it’s time to stop and smell a rose or two, I will be present. Totally, completely, purely. Today I feel like a completely different person.

And I love me more than ever.

“Love is the best part…So what if we get hurt”.