Not a cloud in sight

I guess my big question today is, "Where am I now"? I'm in a happier place, I know that much. Being out here has been a tremendous catalyst on so many levels. Without a doubt, this is the happiest place in my world right now. But the question still remains, "What next?" I have a lot of great ideas, and that's a fantastic start. Or, perhaps that is a question not ready to be answered just yet. I feel like I am in warp speed right now and time is completely relative. What I went through seems so far away that I can't even understand or relate to it anymore. It's now this foggy cloud of weird, confusing, painful images and I feel as though I just woke up from a very bad dream.

This whole week has been so centered around no agenda, no daily plan, just going with the flow, a lot of spirituality, finding my center, eating good food and surrounding myself with my friends. They have been wonderful. I don't think they understand how much I love and appreciate them. But I do. I've learned that you can get through ANYTHING in life if you have the support of family and friends. They are our umbrellas in life; It can't rain forever. Storms pass and the sun will come out again.

A little Cherokee Wisdom

A woman's highest calling is to lead a man to his soul, so as to unite
with source. Her lowest calling is to seduce, separate man from soul,
and leave him aimlessly wandering. A man's highest calling is to protect
woman, so she is free to walk the earth unharmed. Man's lowest calling is to ambush and force his way into a woman's life." - Cherokee Wisdom

Whatever spirit we are born into (masculine or feminine), we must embrace what is instinctually and biologically attached to it and use it in it's purest form to create harmony and balance in our relationships.

Lighting Up

Tonight was a friends' birthday and the party was held at a bowling alley in the Mid-Wilshire area. It was so nice to see a few of my friends that I hadn't seen in a while. Initially, it felt like it had been all of three years since I'd seen them last but after a few moments, it was like no time had passed at all. I had always worried that in the time I was gone from LA, would I lose my friendships or miss something. As it turns out, I have not missed much and it's really easy to pick up where I left off.

Tomorrow night is a ‘Rent Party’ at a nearby bungalow here in Hollywood. Rent parties started in Harlem in the 1920’s as a way for tenants to raise money for their rent. There was usually live jazz, music and a hat was passed around for the donations. This one will feature music, soul food and new, interesting people to meet. I’m looking forward to it.

Today was a good day. I feel at peace and content with where my life is right now. It feels good to have GOOD options, a plan, beautiful energy around me and hope. I feel as though the universe is wide open for whatever I want to do. Whether it's writing a book or something in the healing arts or more fashion design. I am exploring my thoughts, options and feelings right now. But mostly, just breathing.

Gettin' in the Groove

It only took two days in LA for me to be inspired and get my creative energies moving. This city never ceases to amaze me. Even in it's slump, I am finding pearls. Today started off a little bit lazy. I headed to Wacko's first to acquire a new Shag sticker. Alas, they were just about out and the two styles they had left were a naked woman with two goat-men or a guy in a blue suit with a cigarette. I'm just sad that I won't be here on Sept. 11th as Shag signs the last 100 8-ball posters in Burbank.

On to the next stop for home made fries and ketchup at Umami Burger. It wasn't what I had hoped for. The fries tasted strange and the homemade ketchup was entirely too sweet. I asked for Dijon mustard in an attempt to save my giant frites but it ended up being way too potent! Pretty much a loss there.

The Griffith Park Observatory was next. LA was even smoggier today than usual. The view was good but the funky haze lingered low.

Up Beachwood Drive into old Hollywood (aka Hollywoodland). I stopped into an antiques shop. Typical little shop: dusty, dimly lit, a lot of obscure pieces and the biggest Roseville vase I had ever seen. The shop owner was pretty proud of it. I found a nice little purchase, however. A large Rose Quartz and sterling silver pendant ($15). Simply beautiful. Supposedly, it attracts love. The cafe that I wanted to stop into had already closed so I will have to try again tomorrow. It's an adorable little cafe with the most delicious looking pies and pastries. I'm around 110 lbs. right now but I will gain about 3 pounds before I leave this place, I know it!

In the evening, I was invited to go to The Comedy Store. It was a fairly small crowd but most of the comedians were funny and I needed the laughs. Wouldn't you know it, Marlon Wayans showed up as a surprise guest! He was pretty good. A far cry from his movie, "White Chicks".

Overall, Day 2 was good. I have decided to move forward with my Denim 101 book. Ideas are still forming on this and I'll need a few more days yet but it feels very promising!

Beginnings, Endings and Distant Places

Los Angeles, a year later. It was refreshing to see the same streets, the same places, feel the weather as warm, sunny and predictable as it was the last time I was here. There is a constance here that feels comfortable and so safe. There are no negative footprints left behind anywhere for me here in Los Angeles. The orange trees, the giant palms and tropical plants, all speak kindly to me. I'm easily reminded of why I loved this place so much and although bittersweet, I'm glad to be here right now.

My first stop was California Vegan located on Sunset Blvd. They offer the most non-vegan looking OR tasting Vegan you could ever imagine. Looks like shrimp, tastes like shrimp, isn't really shrimp. Same with the "chicken" skewers. Awesome.

I trekked on over to The House of Intuition in Silverlake area. What a beautiful and tranquil place. I bought a few crystals: Chrysocolla, Moss Agate, Flourite and Rhodochrosite. After my metaphysical adventure, I was off to Melrose Ave. to visit Crossroads Trading Co. as well as the various stores in the area. The street didn't seem as lively as it once had. Perhaps it was because it was Wednesday, perhaps it is because of this damned economy or perhaps it was because of the glasses I was looking through. It felt very..quiet, calm and yes, a bit lonely.

I'm still struggling very much with my emotions. But the good news is, I am not angry. I'll never let anger take over me again.

Reminders of a distant past seem to be everywhere; and my pain comes and goes in unrelenting waves. I feel as though I wander numbly, trying to figure out what the hell just happened, how long I will feel this way and how low I will go. I wish I knew what to expect next. I am in a beautiful, comfortable space and yet the loneliness and uncertainty is fighting to overshadow all of it.