The Art of Good Communication: Honesty

No doubt we all meet people throughout our lives that we have great conversation with. Conversations so engaging that we can't wait for the opportunity to talk to them again. People with whom we call immediately when our world goes sideways and those we can always count on to make us feel better, even if it's just to offer a listening ear. For me, these people are the ones who are the most transparent, the most honest in sharing who they really are. I don't have time, or the patience, for meaningless, surface conversation. I would rather talk to a stranger in the grocery store for an ounce of honesty, at the very least, than to maintain a conversation with someone who can't even delve deeper than the weather. It's just who I am. My parents are both communicators; so naturally, I seek out the same kind of people for which to spend my time with.
Sometimes communication is difficult for people. And I have determined that the art of good communication lies in honesty and even vulnerability. Having the ability to "put it all out there" creates an environment for you to communicate openly and effectively. When there are no boundaries, no walls, no insecurities (what will they think, how will they react, etc.) the flow of good, honest communication takes place naturally. I think we all need a reminder from time to time regarding the importance of proper communication. And when we can determine that we aren't communicating effectively with someone, don't be so quick to assume the problem lies in WHAT WE ARE saying, but rather, in what we AREN'T saying.

A friend passes...

(Friday, June 27th, 2008)

One of my best friends died Wednesday night, just two days after his birthday. I hadn't spoken to him in a month but I knew we needed to talk before it was too late. When I got the news of his terminal illness a few months ago, I avoided him as much as I could because I thought it would make letting go a little easier. I explained to him during our last phone call that I wasn't avoiding him because I didn't care; I simply didn't know how to cope. So, it was at that time we officially said our good-byes. But after a month of silence, I decided to call and wish him a happy birthday. He always appreciated little gestures like that. He didn't have many friends, so a call from anyone always made his day brighter. It rang twice and went to voice mail. At that point, I knew something must be wrong. I sent him an email and when I got no response, I decided to email his daughter. She promptly emailed me back and informed me he had passed away peacefully at 7 PM, Wednesday night.

I envision his humble, though oftentimes disarrayed, apartment where he spent the latter years of his life. I imagine his family, rummaging through his things, wondering what to do with it all. He didn't have much. And even though I know he won't answer, I have called several times, just to listen to the previously recorded voice of his life before it went to shit.

Maybe a part of me looks for answers to the question that can't be answered; and observing the contrast of what used to be and what is now is the only tangible thing I have left to try to make sense of it all. You find yourself reading and re-reading old e-mails; which offer little comfort, as there just aren't enough of them. And for what? Is it to savor the leftovers of the communication that will no longer exist? Regret? Denial? I'm still turning it all over in my head. I'm sure it will all be turning for a while, too.
"Have a nice day". That was his usual closing statement. I'm sure that's what he'd want.

Writing, a faithful friend

I’m so thankful that I was born with the ability to create. Although I have never acknowledged writing as my greatest creative strength, I will say with absolute sincerity that it has helped me overcome many difficult times throughout my life. I first began writing in journals at the age of 11 and I don’t think I ever stopped. In everything that I experienced and endured, writing was like a faithful friend that never walked away from me. The pages of my journals were like a confessional booth without cumbersome words of forgiveness and one hundred Hail Mary’s. Like rain pouring over a dirty street, washing it clean and making all things new again, I always felt better after I had acknowledged my thoughts, dreams and fears.

The same is still true for me today. No matter what I am going through in my life, I choose to walk through every door, feel every emotion and observe all that is around me. It is all mine. And all of these experiences and responses belong to my life and to me in this present moment.

There are no "mistakes"

Your past and the choices you’ve made aren’t "mistakes"


Your past is an exquisite place filled with your footprints, your history, your stories; challenges that you overcame, memories you made, choices that have shaped who you are today. A beautiful person you are and a woman (or man) full of wisdom is what you will become. Don’t ever say that your past is full of mistakes and wrong. Revel in all of it because without any of it, your life would be dull, motionless.
We all have our paths to walk down and sometimes we have to march through fire to transcend to a beautiful place that becomes our amazing self, our amazing life. Don’t live life protecting your heart, live it fully. Feel all of the love, joy and compassion that you are given. This is YOUR life--all of it.
The sad moments, the happy moments and your perspective--it all belongs to you.

Give love, kindness, compassion and the world will all look different, I promise you. Thank the universe for your life, those who love you and the gifts you were born with. Continue on your path gracefully, joyfully, without fear or regret. Don’t allow life's challenges to make you feel any kind of regret or rejection. People will come in and out of your life until the day you die. The people we meet are here for a reason, a season or a lifetime. If they go, never take it personally. They came into your life for a purpose, they fulfilled that purpose and you can be better because of them and the experience.

Letting go of your ego

e·go - [ee-goh, eg-oh]

–Noun, plural e·gos.

The "I" or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.

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Egotism; conceit; self-importance. An inflated feeling of pride in your superiority to others.

"You must transcend your ego. If you do not overcome ego during your lifetime, then you have inadvertently reduced everything else in your life to insignificance. The deeper truth is revealed only when you conquer your own ego. Without transcending ego during life, it continues as a problem—even after death." -Swami Premoda

At first glance, putting aside our ego seems like a relatively easy assignment. But making a conscious effort and actually living our lives every day without our ego is challenging. After all, isn't it ego that prevents us from allowing the person behind us at the grocery store to go ahead of us when they only have a few items and we have a basket full? Arguing with the ones we love instead of expressing compassion, feeling discrimination against immigrants, minorities, people we don't know, those less fortunate. Or how about the motorist on the highway who refused to let us in his lane when he clearly saw that we needed to get over? And on a larger scale, the men and women in the Middle East who are fighting an oxymoronic 'war for peace'? Putting aside your ego is liberating and will truly create peace within yourself. When you put aside the unnecessary idea of your self-importance and learn awareness of others as well as your thoughts and emotions, you will observe the world from a different perspective. You will begin to see the beauty of nature, life and the humans around you who exist in this great universe with you. You will feel a compassion that you didn't have before and peace in its purest form.

Peace, after all, is the end of the ego.