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The two weeks I spent in New York altered the course of the life I have been living for the last year. For the first time in a long time, I felt alive again. I mean, really alive. The first three days were awkward and a bit lonely. It was like the feeling one experiences on the first day of school as the new student. The people and possibilities were exciting but I was not yet comfortable in my skin. Once I let go and just let the flow of the city carry me, I felt like I was a tiny drop within a vast, magnificent ocean. I was a small part of something big and powerful, and I loved the way that felt.

I knew going into it that my life and perspective would be changed forever. I knew that I would experience many new things and take with me some amazing memories; Memories so great that even now, I shake my head and smile when I recall the details. I know vacations like this always resonate for us but this was a little more than just vacation for me. It was more like the pause in my life that I desperately needed: A chance to reflect, grow, reconnect and hopefully, discover what road I needed to take next. I had been living in a state of staleness for a few months and it was just time to kick myself out of the comfortable nest I had made for myself and make something real happen.

The city is alive with a heartbeat that is felt from Harlem to Brooklyn and Chinatown. There is unification in the multiplicity. The art, the music, the energy, the people, the languages, the food, the ethnic diversity, the fashion, the history, the weather, I soaked it all in. I never wanted to sleep so I stayed up until 3, 4 and sometimes 5 AM. I awoke early every morning ready to do it all again and I was excited about discovering a new café that offered an amazing cup of coffee and the perfect croissant. And in my second week, I discovered espresso made by a true Italian woman. I sat in Central Park, ate escargot, walked blocks upon blocks without ever feeling it, saw two major movies being filmed, saw the city lit up from the ferry while sharing the music of Coldplay from my iPod with a new friend. I met an artist who does fine art body painting, a denim designer on the L train from Brooklyn who uses the very same factory and wash technician that I do. I was reminded that even in a city with millions of people, it is still a very small world; and we can all be so delicately intertwined. I met so many people from all over the world. Some have lived there for years, some were just passing through. People were warm and welcoming.  I ended up deep in the heart of Harlem, lost, and the residents were kind enough to point me in the right direction back to where I was supposed to be. As with any big city, there are your sketchy neighborhoods and scary people but my overall experience with New Yorkers was very good.

After the city had a chance to soak into my skin, I knew it would never leave.

It's up to you, New York.

In just a few more days I’ll be in New York City. Like LA, New York is another place I’ve waited my entire life to see. I’m feeling a mix of different emotions. I am already overwhelmed and I haven’t even stepped foot on a plane yet. I’m excited, scared, bewildered and ready all at the same time. This is just what I’ve needed after the year I’ve had. I only hope the city will live up to the expectations I’ve created in my mind. But on the other hand, I have no real expectations; only moment by moment experiences that I intend to take in fully. What comes my way is to be determined and I’m very excited about that. I figure, it can only go up from here, right? Well, at least that’s what I’m hoping for. The universe seems to be taking me in that direction and I honestly haven’t got any interest in fighting the current. It’s just the opposite, actually. I welcome and embrace the change; the surprise victory that I know will occur in the core of my being at the very moment I step off that plane and fill my lungs with New York City air. How can a place be such a big deal to me, I wonder? Is it because I’m from a small town and the only one in my family with a real sense of adventure? Is it because of what the place evokes in my heart? The center of earth’s fashion universe, a place to fit in, get lost, make a name for myself, watch humans be human; perhaps all of the above. The only regret I will have is that this adventure will be one I’ll take alone. That saddens me most. When I look out over the city for the first time from that airplane, there won’t be anyone beside me to say “Look at that view!” And when I step onto the streets, I won’t have the luxury of looking over my shoulder and saying to someone, “See? I finally made it!” But there is a big part of me that knows I’m not totally alone. If my dear friend were here, he would have surely gone with me. And if he’s on the other side, I know he’s looking out for me and he’ll probably be there with me, in that great big city, watching me like I’m a child at Disneyland. I realize our lives are so much better spent with people we love. And an adventure like this one is nothing more than a great way to escape the mundane, find myself a little more and serve as a reminder that we all need people in our lives to share these experiences with. And not just general people or acquaintances. I'm talking about people we trust, love, adore, cherish. Our 'soul mates' in life.
I do hope this trip will be one that brings me closer to myself and my goals, in a spiritual sense and literally, in regards to my career. It’s a thought that has been on my mind non-stop. I’m ready to stop being in this state of inertia. I realize that if I never make it to where I want to be and accomplish what I really want to accomplish, I’ve lived a half-life. And when I think of the idea of only living a half-life, I often wonder what the use would be in living at all. I wake up every morning ready to go. I love what I do so much that I cannot imagine doing anything else. I could never abandon my dreams or my passion for creating. Without it, I think I’d just die. That may sound extreme but honestly, until you’ve loved someone or even something so much that it just makes you make sense, you may never understand me. And I also realize that not everyone is wired that way. And I ask myself frequently, why I am. But I’ve become much more content with right now and what’s ahead that I try not to spend too much energy on the things that have passed. I’ve learned the hard way not to waste much time in negative thoughts of yesterday. It no longer exists.

So, here I stand at the gate of my mid-thirties, looking forward only. I will not question fate, choices, who or even who not. It’s no longer my agenda to figure out why things went awry, or wonder what could have been or what should have; rather what’s most important now is what can be. Who will I become, what person will I be to others? What will I contribute or give, who will I surround myself with and for whom will I eventually share that “big love” with. I think about this amazing two week trip I’m about to experience and I wonder, what strange, artistic, interesting people will I meet in New York and what will I see? Where’s the best pizza in the city and most importantly, why is it so darn good? What is a Broadway show like? How, exactly, will that taxi cab smell? What country will the cab driver be from? What’s it like to sit in Central Park and read a good book or stroll Park Avenue? And even more so, how will I feel at the end of it all, how will I be affected? What will I learn about me and what conversations will I have with myself for two weeks alone in a city as massive and inspiring as New York? Who has time to think about the past? The future is so much more interesting!
This is an exciting time in my life. I've given my ultimate dream to the powers that be. Now I can only wait and hope that it all comes to fruition. In the meantime, my world just seems to be opening up. And I'm really enjoying the view!

What do you need?

Ask for what you need.

Be prepared to be misunderstood.

Then, ask for what you need.

I read this message several times over before really understanding what it meant to me.
"Ask for what you need". At first thought, this may seem easy but are we really asking for precisely what we want or need?  
"Be prepared to be misunderstood". Often times, we ask for what we need and the universe gives it to us and we say, "Wait! That isn't exactly what I asked for, was it"?  Sometimes, we ask for what we need, only to get what we asked for but we aren't exactly happy with the way the gift was delivered, or we discovered that is wasn't what we really needed at all!  The misunderstanding is in us not realizing that what we need and want should be very specific.  And until we know exactly what it is we are asking for, we should refrain from throwing random requests out.  In other words, be careful what you ask for, you will probably get it!

You see, it's not just enough to say, I want love in my life or a relationship. It's much better to say, I want a loving relationship with a man/woman who will be a perfect fit for me and create a harmonious relationship built on trust, honesty and compassion.  

We have SO much

It's amazing how easily we lose sight of what's important in our lives. There are some days when we stress over things that seem so colossal, yet, in the grand scheme of things, it won't even matter two days from now. I am always amazed how life has a way of throwing water in my face when I need it the most. I was reading an article this evening about a little Sudanese girl who had collapsed during her journey to a feeding camp. This hard moment of her life was immortalized in a photograph that later won the Pullitzer Prize in 1994. The photographer was the late Kevin Carter.

It is nearly impossible to look at this photo and not feel compassion and shame for the way we create madness in our world when reasonably, we have everything we need and could ever want at our fingertips. When was the last time you worried about whether you would go hungry, where you would sleep, or how you would get to work? We don't think about these things. We have been programmed to worry about things that shouldn't even matter. We are force fed the latest, greatest, finest and most expensive through the media and marketing. We never stop and realize just what we already have and what we really need. If you look around, you'll see that everything you need is right there. It just frustrates me how we keep thinking we somehow need more. More what? Stuff? We want "Stuff" and millions of people can't even eat? We have so much. I forget this all the time. But I will think of that little girl in Africa when I feel like my life is not so great.

"To make one glass of rice wine takes a whole basket of rice. Every day 40,000 children die in the world for lack of food…If the overdeveloped western countries would cut their alcohol and meat consumption by just 30%, they would solve the problem of hunger in the world. " –Thich Nhat Hanh

AMAZING! A "new" biofuel crop!

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article2155351.ece

From The Times
July 28, 2007
Poison plant could help to cure the planet

Ben Macintyre
The jatropha bush seems an unlikely prize in the hunt for alternative energy, being an ugly, fast-growing and poisonous weed. Hitherto, its use to humanity has principally been as a remedy for constipation. Very soon, however, it may be powering your car.
Almost overnight, the unloved Jatropha curcushas become an agricultural and economic celebrity, with the discovery that it may be the ideal biofuel crop, an alternative to fossil fuels for a world dangerously dependent on oil supplies and deeply alarmed by the effects of global warming.
The hardy jatropha, resilient to pests and resistant to drought, produces seeds with up to 40 per cent oil content. When the seeds are crushed, the resulting jatropha oil can be burnt in a standard diesel car, while the residue can also be processed into biomass to power electricity plants.
As the search for alternative energy sources gathers pace and urgency, the jatropha has provoked something like a gold rush. Last week BP announced that it was investing almost £32 million in a jatropha joint venture with the British biofuels company D1 Oils.
Even Bob Geldof has stamped his cachet on jatropha, by becoming a special adviser to Helius Energy, a British company developing the use of jatropha as an alternative to fossil fuels. Lex Worrall, its chief executive, says: "Every hectare can produce 2.7 tonnes of oil and about 4 tonnes of biomass. Every 8,000 hectares of the plant can run a 1.5 megawatt station, enough to power 2,500 homes."
Jatropha grows in tropical and subtropical climates. Whereas other feed-stocks for biofuel, such as palm oil, rape seed oil or corn for ethanol, require reasonable soils on which other crops might be grown, jatropha is a tough survivor prepared to put down roots almost anywhere.
Scientists say that it can grow in the poorest wasteland, generating topsoil and helping to stall erosion, but also absorbing carbon dioxide as it grows, thus making it carbon-neutral even when burnt. A jatropha bush can live for up to 50 years, producing oil in its second year of growth, and survive up to three years of consecutive drought.
In India about 11 million hectares have been identified as potential land on which to grow jatropha. The first jatropha-fuelled power station is expected to begin supplying electricity in Swaziland in three years. Meanwhile, companies from Europe and India have begun buying up land in Africa as potential jatropha plantations.
Jatropha plantations have been laid out on either side of the railway between Bombay and Delhi, and the train is said to run on more than 15 per cent biofuel. Backers say that the plant can produce four times more fuel per hectare than soya, and ten times more than corn. "Those who are working with jatropha," Sanju Khan, a site manager for D1 Oils, told the BBC, "are working with the new generation crop, developing a crop from a wild plant — which is hugely exciting."
Jatropha, a native of Central America, was brought to Europe by Portuguese explorers in the 16th century and has since spread worldwide, even though, until recently, it had few uses: malaria treatment, a windbreak for animals, live fencing and candle-making. An ingredient in folk remedies around the world, it earned the nickname "physic nut", but its sap is a skin irritant, and ingesting three untreated seeds can kill a person.
Jatropha has also found a strong supporter in Sir Nicholas Stern, the government economist who emphasized the dangers of global warming in a report this year. He recently advised South Africa to "look for biofuel technologies that can be grown on marginal land, perhaps jatropha".
However, some fear that in areas dependent on subsistence farming it could force out food crops, increasing the risk of famine.
Some countries are also cautious for other reasons: last year Western Australia banned the plant as invasive and highly toxic to people and animals.
Yet a combination of economic, climatic and political factors have made the search for a more effective biofuel a priority among energy companies. New regulations in Britain require that biofuels comprise 5 per cent of the transport fuel mix by 2010, and the EU has mandated that by 2020 all cars must run on 20 per cent biodiesel. Biodiesel reduces carbon dioxide emissions by nearly 80 per cent compared with petroleum diesel, according to the US Energy Department.
Under the deal between BP and D1, £80 million will be invested in jatropha over the next five years, with plantations in India, southern Africa and South East Asia. There are no exact figures for the amount of land already under jatropha cultivation, but the area is expanding fast. China is planning an 80,000-acre plantation in Sichuan, and the BPD1 team hopes to have a million hectares under cultivation over the next four years.

Jatropha has long been prized for its medicinal qualities. Now it might just help to cure the planet.

- D1 Oils, the UK company leading the jatropha revolution, is growing 430,000 acres of the plant to feed its biodiesel operation on Teesside — 44,000 acres more than three months ago, after a huge planting program in India. It has also planted two 1,235-acre trial sites this year in West Java, Indonesia. If successful, these will become a 25,000-acre plantation. Elloitt Mannis, the chief executive, says that the aim is to develop energy "from the earth to the engine".

Jatropha: costs and benefits

- Jatropha needs at least 600mm (23in) of rain a year to thrive. However, it can survive three consecutive years of drought by dropping its leaves
- It is excellent at preventing soil erosion, and the leaves that it drops act as soil-enriching mulch
- The plant prefers alkaline soils
- The cost of 1,000 jatropha saplings (enough for one acre) in Pakistan is about £50, or 5p each
- The cost of 1kg of jatropha seeds in India is the equivalent of about 7p. Each jatropha seedling should be given an area two meters square.
- 20 per cent of seedlings planted will not survive
- Jatropha seedlings yield seeds in the first year after plantation