Flying out of Wonderland

Today’s blog message comes straight from my seat on flight 388. This past week in LA was rejuvenating. It was all about my emotional awareness, growing, reconnecting with my friends and finding my spiritual self. But my last thoughts on the plane seem to resonate deeper and summarize a clearer messsage for what I have really learned. I have realized that love still exists. In me. I think I spent so many years trying to figure out if I was even capable of loving completely or not. A relationship that ended badly, showed me that I am indeed capable of vulnerable love - Receiving and giving, freely. This lesson, however, was not about knowing if I was lovable or not. It was about learning about my limitations in love. I discovered I am stronger and capable of more than I thought. I realized I could indeed love someone enough to be with them forever, I could take risks. I can wake up to the same beautiful person every morning, even on days when I don’t feel so beautiful, nor do they. I realized that lost love fucking hurts. I mean, really hurts like hell. But there’s beauty in that pain. It feels wonderful to FEEL. Even if it stings. I am alive inside, I am connected to all of me and that’s the beautiful part of living.

Today I believe in love more than I thought possible. You’d think I’d be in a sour space full of jaded comments and a crinkled nose as I contemplate love and relationships. But in fact, it’s just the opposite. I feel a sense of clarity and trust in myself and in others that I didn’t have before.
I want to be with someone who knows me inside and out because he takes the time to learn me, and allows me to learn who he is. Someone who appreciates who I am. One who weathers any storm we are faced with, who will stand there with me when I need him the most.
I want him to believe in the investment of time, sometimes hard times, that make us closer. I want to laugh with him until my face hurts and share all of my ridiculous theories or fears with him. I want to be with the same man until I am friggin older than dirt. That’s the good stuff. That’s what it’s about for me. So when it’s time to stop and smell a rose or two, I will be present. Totally, completely, purely. Today I feel like a completely different person.

And I love me more than ever.

“Love is the best part…So what if we get hurt”.

Not a cloud in sight

I guess my big question today is, "Where am I now"? I'm in a happier place, I know that much. Being out here has been a tremendous catalyst on so many levels. Without a doubt, this is the happiest place in my world right now. But the question still remains, "What next?" I have a lot of great ideas, and that's a fantastic start. Or, perhaps that is a question not ready to be answered just yet. I feel like I am in warp speed right now and time is completely relative. What I went through seems so far away that I can't even understand or relate to it anymore. It's now this foggy cloud of weird, confusing, painful images and I feel as though I just woke up from a very bad dream.

This whole week has been so centered around no agenda, no daily plan, just going with the flow, a lot of spirituality, finding my center, eating good food and surrounding myself with my friends. They have been wonderful. I don't think they understand how much I love and appreciate them. But I do. I've learned that you can get through ANYTHING in life if you have the support of family and friends. They are our umbrellas in life; It can't rain forever. Storms pass and the sun will come out again.

A little Cherokee Wisdom

A woman's highest calling is to lead a man to his soul, so as to unite
with source. Her lowest calling is to seduce, separate man from soul,
and leave him aimlessly wandering. A man's highest calling is to protect
woman, so she is free to walk the earth unharmed. Man's lowest calling is to ambush and force his way into a woman's life." - Cherokee Wisdom

Whatever spirit we are born into (masculine or feminine), we must embrace what is instinctually and biologically attached to it and use it in it's purest form to create harmony and balance in our relationships.

Lighting Up

Tonight was a friends' birthday and the party was held at a bowling alley in the Mid-Wilshire area. It was so nice to see a few of my friends that I hadn't seen in a while. Initially, it felt like it had been all of three years since I'd seen them last but after a few moments, it was like no time had passed at all. I had always worried that in the time I was gone from LA, would I lose my friendships or miss something. As it turns out, I have not missed much and it's really easy to pick up where I left off.

Tomorrow night is a ‘Rent Party’ at a nearby bungalow here in Hollywood. Rent parties started in Harlem in the 1920’s as a way for tenants to raise money for their rent. There was usually live jazz, music and a hat was passed around for the donations. This one will feature music, soul food and new, interesting people to meet. I’m looking forward to it.

Today was a good day. I feel at peace and content with where my life is right now. It feels good to have GOOD options, a plan, beautiful energy around me and hope. I feel as though the universe is wide open for whatever I want to do. Whether it's writing a book or something in the healing arts or more fashion design. I am exploring my thoughts, options and feelings right now. But mostly, just breathing.

Gettin' in the Groove

It only took two days in LA for me to be inspired and get my creative energies moving. This city never ceases to amaze me. Even in it's slump, I am finding pearls. Today started off a little bit lazy. I headed to Wacko's first to acquire a new Shag sticker. Alas, they were just about out and the two styles they had left were a naked woman with two goat-men or a guy in a blue suit with a cigarette. I'm just sad that I won't be here on Sept. 11th as Shag signs the last 100 8-ball posters in Burbank.

On to the next stop for home made fries and ketchup at Umami Burger. It wasn't what I had hoped for. The fries tasted strange and the homemade ketchup was entirely too sweet. I asked for Dijon mustard in an attempt to save my giant frites but it ended up being way too potent! Pretty much a loss there.

The Griffith Park Observatory was next. LA was even smoggier today than usual. The view was good but the funky haze lingered low.

Up Beachwood Drive into old Hollywood (aka Hollywoodland). I stopped into an antiques shop. Typical little shop: dusty, dimly lit, a lot of obscure pieces and the biggest Roseville vase I had ever seen. The shop owner was pretty proud of it. I found a nice little purchase, however. A large Rose Quartz and sterling silver pendant ($15). Simply beautiful. Supposedly, it attracts love. The cafe that I wanted to stop into had already closed so I will have to try again tomorrow. It's an adorable little cafe with the most delicious looking pies and pastries. I'm around 110 lbs. right now but I will gain about 3 pounds before I leave this place, I know it!

In the evening, I was invited to go to The Comedy Store. It was a fairly small crowd but most of the comedians were funny and I needed the laughs. Wouldn't you know it, Marlon Wayans showed up as a surprise guest! He was pretty good. A far cry from his movie, "White Chicks".

Overall, Day 2 was good. I have decided to move forward with my Denim 101 book. Ideas are still forming on this and I'll need a few more days yet but it feels very promising!