My Precious Niece

I love watching my baby niece. Every day that I spend with her, I understand more about the power of love. There are so many times I look at her observing the world around her and my eyes fill with tears. Tears for the joy of her life, tears for the immense love I feel for her, tears for her innocence. The same innocence we’ve all shared when we were babies relying on our parents for our every need. The delicacy of our lives depends so much on what our parents do, or don’t do.

I watch her in her swing. She is fixated on the green turtle attached to a mobile that hangs over her head. And she watches for such a long time; so fascinated by the colors, the movement. Here she lay, swinging to a sweet, soothing sound; smiling occasionally at the green turtle dancing overhead. Her life will take shape by the hands of the parents and adults around her. She will one day have her own path, her own life, thoughts, ambitions. But for now, we help to create who she is to become. There is something so powerful and noble about it all. My perspective is changed and I have a greater understanding and respect for parents everywhere.

She has taught me a different kind of love.

A reason, a season or a lifetime

Isn't it incredible how the right people come into our lives when we need it the most? I am continually amazed by this phenomenon even though it has happened so much in my life. Even when we aren't looking for guidance, somehow, we are given it and the moment the person leaves, it's like a light goes on and we realize, "Wow! This person really helped me to realize ______". At least, that's the way it has always been for me. I'm sure if you think back on your life and remember the people who are or who have been a part of it, you may be able to make sense of the moment and what it was that they brought to your life’s' table that enriched you. It's the concept that people come into our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Not everyone we meet will be ours forever but it's ok. We weave intricate networks that work together and eventually, form a beautiful overall picture.
My best friend gave me so much before he died. When he passed away last June I felt like knowing him had been such a curse. I thought I'd never get over grieving and I never wanted to feel that sense of loss ever again. But after a while of working through the hurt, I realize what a blessing it was to have had such a wonderful friendship like the one we had. He taught me so much about love, life, friendships, loyalty. And his words of wisdom still resonate with me. He is not here but I feel like if he is on the other side, he is on my side. And there is nothing better than feeling like someone is watching out for you all the time. It gives me a stronger sense of connection to my universe, I guess. Sometimes people come into our lives for a short time but what they give us lasts our lifetime. Today I am thankful for those people who are in my life, or who have come and gone. I will not mourn the loss because I have lost nothing at all.

Happy Again

In many ways, I hate to be one of those persons that believes everything happens for a reason. It's like the analogy of the groundhog seeing it's shadow. Spring is here, spring isn't here, etc., etc. The groundhog sees whatever the hell the groundhog wants to see because the whole thing is a sham, anyway. But in life, it's a little more complicated than that. And I am really coming around to the idea that maybe there is something to the 'everything happens for a reason' belief. I think about the last year of my life and know for certain that I would have NEVER come back to Texas on my own accord.  After a bit, I have settled into this place and my new life pretty well. I am OK with my career but even better, I have reconnected with my love for music and singing. I bought a guitar and I think I'm doing pretty well with it. My life goals have shifted and lean more towards what I naturally gravitate to. Where did all of this come from? Was it always there, laying dormant and waiting for the right moment to hatch?
In life are we continually searching, growing, learning and discovering-even when we aren't paying attention to our progress? It is important to stop and smell the roses. Look back, see your progress, observe what you've learned--but don't live in the background.

So here I am in Texas, and I'm really happy about that. I think only time will tell how everything will really work out. I am OK with not having it all figured out. I think that's what makes this journey so interesting. But in the meantime, I am happy to say that I am very happy and satisfied with everything.

We never stop growing up

It's been 8 months and 3 weeks since I moved back to Texas. And what a bizarre 8 months it has been! Loss, transformation, realization, patience, reflection, growth, some regret but mostly inquisition.

It is our innate nature as humans to be curious about ourselves and the world around us. Have you ever watched a child discover his world? He touches everything, asks hundreds of questions and puts random objects in his mouth. The curiosity never stops. Even in our adult lives, we are always seeking an answer, a truth, deeper meaning. I am beginning to appreciate the fascinating journey of my life again. I am now at a place where I am still; I am asking new questions and looking at life from eyes that don't assume they know everything. When we admit that we still need to ask questions, the answers come. I have learned to identify old fears passed down to me from my mother and grandmother and have let go just a little more. I don't know if this comes with age or through stages. Either way, I am thankful for the insight.

Maybe We Are Just Sea Monkeys

I have this theory that humans are just a huge science experiment. Perhaps a science experiment gone wrong? The more and more I look around us, the more it just feels like we belong to some higher alien life form and we are the sea monkeys in a jar floating around, pooping in the tank and destroying the ecosystem. I mean, we own ant farms for fun and what do they know of us or their surroundings? They have no idea they are in a plastic cube on display for our enjoyment; In their world, it's just business as usual. And at any given moment we can decide they suck and the fate of their lives are quickly rinsed down a toilet bowl.